Disaster averted

It has been years since I was properly laid. Years and years and years. FWB, who ended up not being FWB material at all, wasn't very good. Hot Frat Boy was decent our first night but lost his mojo the second. I think my need to get properly laid made me really weak and I ended up contemplating something I never thought I would. Basically, a married man contacted me on OkC and made me an offer I almost couldn't refuse.

He said something along the lines of "Hey, I'm married with kids but my wife and I aren't compatible in the bedroom anymore. I think you're gorgeous and I'm hot, well hung, and skilled. So, why don't you and I get together once or twice a month and fuck each other's brains out?"

Normally, I would say, "You're married? Uh, fuck off, pal."

But, like I said. I was feeling weak, so I said, "Well, how skilled are you?"

I know, it was awful. We talked on the phone a few times and he's definitely an alpha male, and something tells me he'd take charge wonderfully in the bedroom. Thankfully, I came to my sense today and he and I are no longer contemplating things. My mom can be proud of me once more. But God, what does it take to get good and fucked in this goddamn town?!?

In tamer news: if I get my voice back tomorrow (long story), I have a date with Latin Lawyer. Confession: I wrote to him first but he usurped the lead nicely and I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Dry spell over

Okay, so Thursday the first time I had gotten laid since about late July'ish. I should be jumping for joy BUT I'm instead evaluating all of the pros and cons to figure out why I feel very, very blah. 

Pros:
-We met up for drinks and a meal and had a very nice time talking and connecting. MM2 isn't just a shaft waiting to get impaled (crass example, I know) and the more I get to know him, the clearer that fact becomes. I liked knowing he had given up a high-paying job in order to pursue a start-up with a few friends. That his current job paid diddly so he's living on his savings. That he was planning on flying down to LA for the holidays because he's close with his aunt.

-He paid for dinner, even though I had offered to go dutch. (In this day and age, that's not always a given.)

-Back at his place, I had an impulsive hankering to listen to Tony Bennett Christmas songs and he found an album online and downloaded it to his playlist so we could listen to it. He went ahead and downloaded Bing Crosby's holiday songs, too, which was very thoughtful. 

Cons:
-The cigarette smoke gave me a splitting headache by the end of the evening. And though he only smoked out on his balcony, it still somehow infused itself into my hair and clothes and I had to shower the moment I got back home.

-Not sure how else to say this but he's a bit of an asshole in bed. He likes to grip things HARD. He's commanding without being tender, and he likes to get more than he likes to give so he struck me as a very selfish lover. I'll add here that I allowed him to finish on my...face because I was in the moment and didn't want to be uptight. But, seriously, total turn off. 

The cons have resonated so much, I haven't initiated any kind of texts, naughty or banal. This sounds callous but basically, I saw (and felt) the goods and wasn't all that impressed by them.

FWB...actualized?

My date with MM2 the other night left such a strong impression, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. 

 

Mainly, 2 things have fixated me:

 

-I'm not typically easy and it has been almost 10 years since I've slept with anyone on the first date. With that said, *HE* chose not to sleep me with me even though he wanted to and I was more than willing. By way of explaining, he said he wanted me to come back for more and that he wasn't into one-night stands.

-I like tall, fit, hot men. Always have, always will. Granted, there has to be other qualities, too, like intelligence and wit. FWB is shorter (5'9", possibly 5'10) and much heavier than anyone I'd ever date. I think he was hot once a time but now? Not so much. Add to this the fact that he smokes-THAT HE ROLLS HIS OWN CIGARETTES-and my continued interest is beyond strange. I loathe smokers normally and usually avoid dating them like the plague. But, an hour or two into our date and I no longer cared. I know this sounds a bit cliche but the cigerrettes and the bourbon intermingled into a very manly scent/taste and it turned me on. 

 

The day after our date (yesterday), MM2 was perfectly aloof so I couldn't help myself and initiated a few texts , which culminated in my confessing that he didn't just kiss, he consumed and devoured. When asked how I felt about that, I admitted that I liked it, and that it fueled my curiosity. Curious about what, he asked. I didn't want to give too much away, so I said, 'about how else you were different.' He immediately followed that up with an invite to meet again. Oddly, not at his place. Instead, at a bar nearby.

 

Initially, I felt a bit of apprehension. Maybe he found me too naive and he was bored by that, so meeting at the bar was a friendly way of distancing himself from me. Then, my imagination went even further and I wondered if he might break things off because I wasn't FWB material or something. So, I ran over our scenario with a good friend of mine and we eventually came up with a completely different guess.

 

I read over his ad (which had loads of aggressive, sexual connotations) and some of our texts from last night and today, and I think I misjudged him when I thought he and I wanted the same thing: an FWB. I think he's looking for something more.

 

A snippet of our text exchange today:

 

Him: Got an inappropriate question for you.

Me: Go for it.

Him: What kind of undies are you wearing?

Me: Right now or for our date?

Him: Oh...in that case, I want to know both.

Me: Right now, a lacy pink boycut thong. Tonight, probably something with less material. Why?

Him: That sounds adorable. Because I was thinking about you and it makes me smile to hear something      vulnerable/intimate while you're not in front of me.

Still alive

Here's hopefully the last thing I'll mention about English Tom. He sent me an email when I was down in Arizona. Basically, it was a Dear Jane letter. It was long, it was drawn out, and it was complete and utter bullshit. But, I took it in stride, agreed to remain casual friends, and even sent him some pictures of my trip when I got back. It's a sad chapter to be sure, but the butterflies no longer plague my belly, and the hurt is slowly but slowly ebbing away, so I can't complain (too much).

Regarding moving on, last night, I met up with my prospective FWB, dubbed Marlboro Man 2 (or MM2) because he likes to smoke just like MM, the very first guy I ever dated off of OkC. Against my better judgement, I agreed to meet him for drinks AT HIS PLACE at 6p. I know. Insane, right? But, my gut said he was a good guy. Get this, he lives about 10 minutes away from me. I texted a girlfriend of mine when I found parking and then promised to text her again in 2 hours. I brought over a bottle of Syrah, a baguette, some salami, and condoms (because you never know). He drank bourbon on the rocks, I polished off my bottle of wine, dinner was the food I brought, and we proceeded to try and get to know each other. On a certain level, I think we did (no pun intended) because I didn't leave till about 10:30p and we talked a lot, so that's over 4 hours of conversation. MM2 is incredibly astute, which unnerved me at times. His bullshit meter was in tip top shape. I don't think I'd ever want to date someone like that because you feel very vulnerable and exposed. Whatever walls you're used to having up, you know in order to protect yourself, is quickly spotted and questioned. I've dated someone like him before and it made me quite neurotic. Basically, it always feels like you're unarmed in a battle of wits. But, as an FWB, I think he fits the bill very, very well. He's incredibly sexual. Very dominant. We didn't end up using my condoms (or his) but we did kiss and sort of grope each other once or twice and he's an amazing kisser. Possibly the best kisser I've ever met. We're talking the right amount of fervor, of tongue, of pressure. When he kissed me, he'd grab a handful of hair and firmly hold it. He wasn't pulling it, mind you. That'd turn me off. The firm hold indicated to me that he was in control and I loved it!

We did a bit of texting today but so far, no plans to meet up again. I'm sure it'll happen but I'd rather not initiate it. We'll see.

Possible FWB

I took a break from my singlehood to visit an old friend down in Arizona. But, I'm back and Murphy's Law has struck big time. My glasses broke this morning so I've been squinting all day and building one heck of a headache. Also, my right arm is wonky. It won't straighten out. And when I take a deep breath, my chest hurts. I hate doctors so I'm going to wait the last 2 out.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. Being single and 36 means:

-It becomes increasingly difficult to get a good picture to post (at least, it is for me.) The sporadic gray doesn't show or anything but my hair is thinner, my laugh lines are noticeable, and the corner of my eyes are starting to droop. Also, my poor bra has to work a little harder to keep the girls up.

-Dating online requires a really, really thick skin. By comparison, it was a walk in the park when I was in my 20s. Guys usually wrote me back. Now? Um, not usually, which is daunting. I'll never send out a form email, because I'll never be that lazy about trying to strike up a connection and people can spot those a mile away, but I'm starting to understand why people do it. Life is short. Funny, smart, interesting emails...take...time...to...write.

With that said, I got a response back from one of the guys on CL right before I left for AZ. It might be too early to tell but I think I might have an FWB on my hands. Thank God! I'm positively dying over here. He looks exactly like Karl Urban (or Éomer from Lord of the Rings) and speaks like a naughty Englishman. Case in point, I told him I was going to be in Arizona and wouldn't be back till today and he suggested we "flirt like mad" in the meantime. So, we did. And our game plan is to meet [are you ready for this one?] at his place for a few drinks tomorrow night.

It sounds a bit risky but my gut tells me things will be fine. Will keep you posted.