Too much, too soon

I think it was a case of too much, too soon with Hot Frat Boy.

A work snafu on Christmas led me to call him from the office around 9p, asking if he could pick me up instead of me driving over. A little domestic for 2 people who barely knew each other, I concede. But, he did and seemed relatively pleasant about it, and brought me back to his place, where we pieced together a rustic gratin, put it in the oven, and then settled in, and watched a few movies while it was baking.

Unfortunately, our vibe was off. He wasn't snuggly like he was the night before, our conversation was awkward and stilted, and when we finally hit the sack, "it" was pretty quick and basic. Blech.

Things didn't improve in the morning, either. He made coffee and we shared some of his grandma's coffee cake, which was nice of him to make/plate up, but I could not wait to get the hell out of Dodge. Since then, no word. But I'm okay with that. Contrary to his name, he's not a bonehead. He's a counselor at the university so he deals with peoples' problems all day long. Couple that with grad classes and managing the building where he lives and he's a busy guy. A busy guy...with walls. Lots and lots of them. Truthfully, I'm too old and too tired to care an iota about breaking any of them down. Life's too short.

In other news:

The Professor keeps emailing me even though I haven't really reached out since our late a few weeks ago. Figures. The ones you don't like are the ones who put forth the most effort.

Music Teacher (he teaches the cello) and I have our 2nd date on Sunday. As for what kind of date it is, he's coming over to my place at 10p and we're planning on sharing a bottle of wine. What can I say, when it rain, it pours.

Out of nowhere

I'll close the book on SF by saying he never called yesterday.

After work yesterday, I met up with Hot Frat Boy at a French bar for drinks. It was Christmas Eve and the restaurant part was closed so we just had a few drinks in the bar. Darn. I was in the mood for yummy crepes. Anyway, because I didn't hear anything from him for days after our first date, I arrived for our date with a bit of wariness. He let out a big smile when he saw me and gave me a warm hug, which surprised me. Then, we got comfy in the corner. So, I'm not the most subtle person in the world when I'm peeved and it took less than 10 minutes before I asked him why he never responded to my "I got home safely" text. He claims he replied. Turns out, he wrote out a reply but it didn't send and instead got stored in his drafts! Whew.

We had a great time but drinks on an empty stomach means I'd be sloshed in no time so we got in his car, drove around looking for an open restaurant, found a Thai place that had the yummiest Pad Thai with tamarind sauce and we shared that with a few drinks, and right then and there I knew I had to kiss him and soon. He's the hot, smartass jock in school you always wanted to date...and we were on a date! I knew exactly where I was going to take him after dinner, too. A red-light basement bar with booths where you can make-out like teenagers AND NO ONE CARES. Great minds think alike because the moment we got back to his car, he cut me off mid-sentence with a kiss, which turned into a pretty hot and heavy make-out session. Then, we headed to the red-light bar, drank a bit more, made out obscenely almost the whole time. Afterwards,  he drove me to his place where he proceeded to [are you ready for this?] worship my body for hours and hours and hours. OMG.

He drove me to my car this morning. Along the way, he idled while I found a coffee stand (he didn't want any), then he idled while I got money out of the ATM (new tradition: gifting money) and I was really touched by how he seemed not to mind sitting in the car while I ran my little errands. In fact, when I walked back from the coffee stand, I had my coffee on one hand and I got him an iced water in the other and, without any kind of prompting from me, quickly got out and opened my door for me. Aww.

It might be a case of too much too soon, but I'm heading over to his place after work tonight. He doesn't know but I'm bringing over gratin fixings and plan on throwing that in the oven when I get there. We don't have much planned. Just a movie or two. Oh yeah, and some major body worshipping.

Special Forces

So, I can't go on and on about SF. Know why? Because after 50 emails, and him asking me what days I was available and me telling him Friday evening or Monday evening, after him picking jumping on Friday night and then offering to pick me up even though he lives an hour away but it's Christmas so he'd more than likely spend 3 hours if not longer on the road, of further emails and texts of trying to iron out our plans for Friday, after I went through the trouble of researching where to have dinner, and then where to go after dinner (and was quite proud of myself for what I found), and trying to figure out what I was going to wear and then hitting Marshalls and buying a pretty little cardigan to go over my too-springy green floral dress because it had cap sleeves and it's the dead of winter, after getting my nails done (the second time I've EVER had a manicure in my life) and my face waxed, he "postpones" our date at the last second via text with a slew of excuses and a half-hearted "I'll call you tomorrow. Sorry." It's now past 8p and no call. Figures.

But, I'm nothing if not resilient. Not sure if this is a gift or a curse. I got proactive this morning and set up a date with Hot Fat Boy for tonight when I get off work. Turns out, my genius ability to read body language was faulty. He texted me a few days after our first date to ask how I was doing and then asked when we could meet again. Yay! After work tonight, we're meeting for crepes and drink. I loved his little smirk on our first date. I hope to see more of it tonight.

3 dates, 2 days-1 more on the way

I've been a very, very busy girl.  

I uploaded new (see? I'm not fat anymore) pics onto my OkC profile and my inbox have been bursting at the seams. Also, I've been more proactive about actually giving the smart (and hot) ones high ratings so they can decide if they want to write me or not. A few do, most don't.  

Saturday at 11a, I had a date with The Professor. Very nice guy but not my type. Short and shaves his head. Every time I test my ‘So what if he’s not tall and hot? He’s smart and funny’ mentality, I get completely and utterly shamed so I’m just going to go with what I like. I mean, I'm kind of shallow. I can deal with that. We got along really well, though, so we might get together again for dinner where I'll more than likely give him the "let's just be friends" line. I hate doing that. 

Using OkC's new app feature called "Local" where your location is tracked via your phone's GPS, you can ping or get pinged by people near you with the idea that two people who are in close proximity could be spontaneous and meet up for coffee or a walk or whatever (no, not for sex--well, at least, not for me). I pinged someone I had noticed before, but had no hopes the thing would work, so I continued getting ready and proceeded with my night. Well, guess what? At the party, he pinged me back and we exchanged a few texts and made plans to meet after the Christmas party. Of course, I was dressed to the nines. I mean, black lace dress with peekaboo bustier (The Girls were oozing all over the place) and sky-high stilettos. Music Student gave me the address to an art cafe/bar about 10 minutes away so we met up at midnight, he bought me a drink, and we proceeded to hang out till the bartender turned off all the lights. Very sweet, very gentle. Not sure how long it'll last till that bores me, but so far there are tentative plans for another date. 

Sunday evening after work, I met Hot Frat Boy at a dive bar. I gave him high marks for sarcasm, for smelling very nice, for being fit, for being cute. (<--See, how I put that last?) Oh, he also bought us 3 rounds of drinks which was sweet. Great conversation and I thought we really connected. But, something irked at me and I had a hard time placing it till it dawned on me that he might NOT be into me as much as I was into him. Once I latched onto this idea, I started looking for little tells and I think I found a few of them. Too bad, I really liked him. 

Tomorrow night, Friday, I have a tentative date with Special Forces (so named because he retired from the Special Forces). I know, his nickname isn't particularly clever but what can you do? He's too interesting to tack on this long-overdue post so he gets the next one all to himself. OMG, wait till you hear about him.

Dry spell over

Okay, so Thursday the first time I had gotten laid since about late July'ish. I should be jumping for joy BUT I'm instead evaluating all of the pros and cons to figure out why I feel very, very blah. 

Pros:
-We met up for drinks and a meal and had a very nice time talking and connecting. MM2 isn't just a shaft waiting to get impaled (crass example, I know) and the more I get to know him, the clearer that fact becomes. I liked knowing he had given up a high-paying job in order to pursue a start-up with a few friends. That his current job paid diddly so he's living on his savings. That he was planning on flying down to LA for the holidays because he's close with his aunt.

-He paid for dinner, even though I had offered to go dutch. (In this day and age, that's not always a given.)

-Back at his place, I had an impulsive hankering to listen to Tony Bennett Christmas songs and he found an album online and downloaded it to his playlist so we could listen to it. He went ahead and downloaded Bing Crosby's holiday songs, too, which was very thoughtful. 

Cons:
-The cigarette smoke gave me a splitting headache by the end of the evening. And though he only smoked out on his balcony, it still somehow infused itself into my hair and clothes and I had to shower the moment I got back home.

-Not sure how else to say this but he's a bit of an asshole in bed. He likes to grip things HARD. He's commanding without being tender, and he likes to get more than he likes to give so he struck me as a very selfish lover. I'll add here that I allowed him to finish on my...face because I was in the moment and didn't want to be uptight. But, seriously, total turn off. 

The cons have resonated so much, I haven't initiated any kind of texts, naughty or banal. This sounds callous but basically, I saw (and felt) the goods and wasn't all that impressed by them.

FWB...actualized?

My date with MM2 the other night left such a strong impression, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. 

 

Mainly, 2 things have fixated me:

 

-I'm not typically easy and it has been almost 10 years since I've slept with anyone on the first date. With that said, *HE* chose not to sleep me with me even though he wanted to and I was more than willing. By way of explaining, he said he wanted me to come back for more and that he wasn't into one-night stands.

-I like tall, fit, hot men. Always have, always will. Granted, there has to be other qualities, too, like intelligence and wit. FWB is shorter (5'9", possibly 5'10) and much heavier than anyone I'd ever date. I think he was hot once a time but now? Not so much. Add to this the fact that he smokes-THAT HE ROLLS HIS OWN CIGARETTES-and my continued interest is beyond strange. I loathe smokers normally and usually avoid dating them like the plague. But, an hour or two into our date and I no longer cared. I know this sounds a bit cliche but the cigerrettes and the bourbon intermingled into a very manly scent/taste and it turned me on. 

 

The day after our date (yesterday), MM2 was perfectly aloof so I couldn't help myself and initiated a few texts , which culminated in my confessing that he didn't just kiss, he consumed and devoured. When asked how I felt about that, I admitted that I liked it, and that it fueled my curiosity. Curious about what, he asked. I didn't want to give too much away, so I said, 'about how else you were different.' He immediately followed that up with an invite to meet again. Oddly, not at his place. Instead, at a bar nearby.

 

Initially, I felt a bit of apprehension. Maybe he found me too naive and he was bored by that, so meeting at the bar was a friendly way of distancing himself from me. Then, my imagination went even further and I wondered if he might break things off because I wasn't FWB material or something. So, I ran over our scenario with a good friend of mine and we eventually came up with a completely different guess.

 

I read over his ad (which had loads of aggressive, sexual connotations) and some of our texts from last night and today, and I think I misjudged him when I thought he and I wanted the same thing: an FWB. I think he's looking for something more.

 

A snippet of our text exchange today:

 

Him: Got an inappropriate question for you.

Me: Go for it.

Him: What kind of undies are you wearing?

Me: Right now or for our date?

Him: Oh...in that case, I want to know both.

Me: Right now, a lacy pink boycut thong. Tonight, probably something with less material. Why?

Him: That sounds adorable. Because I was thinking about you and it makes me smile to hear something      vulnerable/intimate while you're not in front of me.

Still alive

Here's hopefully the last thing I'll mention about English Tom. He sent me an email when I was down in Arizona. Basically, it was a Dear Jane letter. It was long, it was drawn out, and it was complete and utter bullshit. But, I took it in stride, agreed to remain casual friends, and even sent him some pictures of my trip when I got back. It's a sad chapter to be sure, but the butterflies no longer plague my belly, and the hurt is slowly but slowly ebbing away, so I can't complain (too much).

Regarding moving on, last night, I met up with my prospective FWB, dubbed Marlboro Man 2 (or MM2) because he likes to smoke just like MM, the very first guy I ever dated off of OkC. Against my better judgement, I agreed to meet him for drinks AT HIS PLACE at 6p. I know. Insane, right? But, my gut said he was a good guy. Get this, he lives about 10 minutes away from me. I texted a girlfriend of mine when I found parking and then promised to text her again in 2 hours. I brought over a bottle of Syrah, a baguette, some salami, and condoms (because you never know). He drank bourbon on the rocks, I polished off my bottle of wine, dinner was the food I brought, and we proceeded to try and get to know each other. On a certain level, I think we did (no pun intended) because I didn't leave till about 10:30p and we talked a lot, so that's over 4 hours of conversation. MM2 is incredibly astute, which unnerved me at times. His bullshit meter was in tip top shape. I don't think I'd ever want to date someone like that because you feel very vulnerable and exposed. Whatever walls you're used to having up, you know in order to protect yourself, is quickly spotted and questioned. I've dated someone like him before and it made me quite neurotic. Basically, it always feels like you're unarmed in a battle of wits. But, as an FWB, I think he fits the bill very, very well. He's incredibly sexual. Very dominant. We didn't end up using my condoms (or his) but we did kiss and sort of grope each other once or twice and he's an amazing kisser. Possibly the best kisser I've ever met. We're talking the right amount of fervor, of tongue, of pressure. When he kissed me, he'd grab a handful of hair and firmly hold it. He wasn't pulling it, mind you. That'd turn me off. The firm hold indicated to me that he was in control and I loved it!

We did a bit of texting today but so far, no plans to meet up again. I'm sure it'll happen but I'd rather not initiate it. We'll see.

Possible FWB

I took a break from my singlehood to visit an old friend down in Arizona. But, I'm back and Murphy's Law has struck big time. My glasses broke this morning so I've been squinting all day and building one heck of a headache. Also, my right arm is wonky. It won't straighten out. And when I take a deep breath, my chest hurts. I hate doctors so I'm going to wait the last 2 out.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. Being single and 36 means:

-It becomes increasingly difficult to get a good picture to post (at least, it is for me.) The sporadic gray doesn't show or anything but my hair is thinner, my laugh lines are noticeable, and the corner of my eyes are starting to droop. Also, my poor bra has to work a little harder to keep the girls up.

-Dating online requires a really, really thick skin. By comparison, it was a walk in the park when I was in my 20s. Guys usually wrote me back. Now? Um, not usually, which is daunting. I'll never send out a form email, because I'll never be that lazy about trying to strike up a connection and people can spot those a mile away, but I'm starting to understand why people do it. Life is short. Funny, smart, interesting emails...take...time...to...write.

With that said, I got a response back from one of the guys on CL right before I left for AZ. It might be too early to tell but I think I might have an FWB on my hands. Thank God! I'm positively dying over here. He looks exactly like Karl Urban (or Éomer from Lord of the Rings) and speaks like a naughty Englishman. Case in point, I told him I was going to be in Arizona and wouldn't be back till today and he suggested we "flirt like mad" in the meantime. So, we did. And our game plan is to meet [are you ready for this one?] at his place for a few drinks tomorrow night.

It sounds a bit risky but my gut tells me things will be fine. Will keep you posted.

Foolish games (cont)

ET and I are about halfway through our current game and things are beyond awkward. I know I said this before and I was wrong, but I don't suspect there will be another game request after this one. (If there is, he's a glutton for punishment, pure and simple.) Even though I initiated the last game, he has stated that his main reason for wanting to continue our "friendship" was because he supposedly loved our banter. Since we no longer text or email or talk on the phone, our "banter" is contained just in with our game. And let me tell you, there has been no bantering to speak of because I don't have the heart, the desire, or the slightest inclination to do anything more than play my turn. For his part, I actually think he's trying to foster or maintain...something. Even his "fancy another? :)" has that "See how charming I am? I'm English and I said 'fancy?' Doesn't that just make you swoon" element to it.

On 2nd thought, I suspect he will challenge me to another game because he's about to lose 2 games in a row and ET is highly competitive. I hate myself that I can't just send him a message saying, "Hey, pal. You had your chance and you  blew it. Fuck off already and die."

I finally finished my OkC profile (though I've been completely neurotic about tweaking it) and I'm mostly happy with it. But, I need better pics. My sister dabbles in photography and has a camera that's worth more than my car, but she only does posed photographs, and I prefer natural pictures. A good friend of mine is hosting a "honest opinion on your Christmas party and New Year's dress" party tomorrow night, so I plan on having pictures taken. Hopefully, some will turn out nice.

Speaking of OkC, I got a few messages (while my profile was being filled out) and one guy even looked interesting so I'll make time to write him before I leave for Arizona on Wednesday. I also sent a very nice message to a tall, hot guy who professed to be "intelligent with a touch of deviance." My track record for guys writing me back is awful, though, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't time well spent.

Silly, foolish games

"Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself..."

Good lord, Christmas Company Party Guy struck again. If you remember, he had responded to my pretty nice, semi-thoughtful, occasionally funny email by saying, "Hi, my name is [insert monosyllabic name]...." I chose to ignore it.

This time, he attached the same picture and wrote, "I like your dressJ. My name is [insert monosyllablic name]..."

WTF.

Speaking of games, English Tom shot me a "fancy another? :)" and then challenged me to another game. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't secretly relieved. I know things has to end, but what's one more game? I replied with a very staid, "yep" but what I really wanted to say was, "Of course!" How's that for self-control?

Such silly, foolish games.

Our final game

My WWF game with ET ended early this morning. If you remember, I initiated the message saying we should finish it because I had a good rack and didn't want to waste it (puh-lease), but really because the thought of never talking to him again makes my stomach sink. I got a little ping at the very end, which meant he had sent me a message. For the record, I trounced him and almost reached 500 points in the process. Anyway, 10 months of pinging has made me positivley Pavlovian. The moment I heard it and saw the little green tear drop (which contained his chat) my heart raced and my hands got slightly clammy and I was tripping over myself trying to open it. But Murphy's Law had other plans. The message wasn't there. I mean, it was there but I couldn't see it.

Here's how I should have reacted:

I shouldn't have cared an iota what he said. Possibly he said, "good game." Or, maybe he said, "I made a mistake, let's talk." You know why I didn't care? Because people who let you down continue to let you down.

Unfortunately, here's how I did react:
WHILE AT WORK, I immediately deleted the app and reloaded it. Then, I impatiently tapped my fingers while it downloaded, then quickly found our finished game, clicked on the chat feature, scrolled all the way down to see what he said, held my breath when I saw it, and then hated myself immensely because it turns out he didn't say anything. He had sent me a frowny face.

And there has been no rematch request, so I'm sure he felt every ounce of the awkwardness that I felt during our final game. 

I'm seeing a play with a friend tonight. It'll be hard but I'll try to be a normal person around her instead of this neurotic beast that I've sadly become.

One step back

Craigslist update:

X-mas company party guy wrote back. Erm, well, he did a "Hi, my name is [insert monosyllabic name]" with an ellipsis and attached a B&W picture. By comparison, I wrote a short novella so I'm guessing he wants to know if I like what I see before expending any kind of time and energy. Savvy move but it oozes laziness.

Plus: he's 41...and has all his hair. That's no small feat.

Minuses: I'm not crazy about the goatee. Apparently, he didn't get the memo: Unless you're Viggo or Ryan Gosling, scruff will not look good on you! Also, I know this sounds super nitpicky but his eyes looked old and tired.

I thought of responding and saying something like, "How weird, I just got a photo but not much else. I don't think your email came through" but thought that was a bit too coy. Especially since it doesn't appear he's even my type. Why bother?

One step forward and 2 steps back with English Tom. I threw him a bone--okay, okay, I missed him. A lot. So, I sent him a message via WWF that we should finish our game. Before the message, I think I implied he could go to hell and he assumed we'd never talk again, so he enthusiastically said, "Yay!" and went his turn, then tentatively asked me how I was doing. I lied and I said I was good, then asked him how he was doing and he said he was just "okay." Then, we engaged in a relatively benign convo where I didn't gush, didn't pry, didn't use any smiley faces, didn't say "lol!", and I don't think I really asked any questions in return. I could tell that he could tell that something was off and that things had changed, which suited me just fine. 

Back to the grind

The highlight of last night was discovering I had an old (opened) bottle of red wine in the fridge. It was drinkable...but barely. Oh, and seeing the Two Towers is now available for instant streaming on Netflix. 20 minutes into it, however, I discovered even Viggo couldn’t cheer me up so I went to bed at 9:30. 

This morning, I called in sick to nurse my "dumped by a guy I never dated" wounds. I know it all sounds ridiculous but I'm pretty down about it. For almost a year, English Tom and I have connected in some way or another and the last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of planning for his visit, so the idea of no more ET is depressing. Yes, he was very hot, which drew me in, but he was also deep and witty and smart. And his killer accent made me swoon every single time we spoke on the phone. Speaking of phone, I'll go ahead and add here that we had phone sex once and did quite a bit of sexting. The first I've done; but sexting was new to me and I wasn't quite sure what to expect but it was more fun that I had ever thought it would be. I was an English major in college. Words get me going, I guess.

For what it's worth, he did offer friendship (and seemed crestfallen when I didn't want it) because he wanted us to continue playing our games and he liked our banter. Dude, I have plenty of friends I don't have time for IN REAL LIFE.

The sky was gray and the clouds were practically bursting, but it was miraculously dry. However, I didn't go for a run. Instead, I went shopping at Target with a free $50 gift card I won at work, and managed to squeeze into a size 6 of the same style of my current jeans, which I love. It's a tad too small; there's a slight muffin top and my butt is smushed so the crack sort of disappears and my cheeks kind of meld together but I'm thinking it'll look just fine if I can shed 2 or 3 more lbs. Alternatively, I might do some lounges in it and call it good. Then, I made dinner (fried fish and a spinach salad) and popped a caramelized onion quiche (with a ready made pie crust) in the oven because I had a massive craving. Clooney's The American kept me company while I was stirring away at the onions. 

Then, I did something I hadn't done in awhile; answered a CL ad. Actually, 2 of them. Shockingly, I saw a few good ones without trying too hard. Normally you have to wade thigh deep through the sugar daddy types and looking for a BBW types and the “are you a cuddler?” types and the "I'm 19 but looking for an older woman" types before finally giving up and doing something more productive. The first one is a tall writer with dark hair (hopefully on top of his head, too) who likes "theatre." After replying to his ad, I realized he may not be 45 because he said:

"My only age requirement is that you not be over 45. (Ish.) Sorry, that's just where my interest is."

I mean, he could be 45 and isn't into dating anyone older. (Please let that be it.) But, for all I know, he's 50, which is way too old for me and looking to date younger women. To make matters worse, the "ish" implies even more wiggle room, so he could be 55 or 60.

The 2nd one was cautiously sweet. He's looking for a date to a company Christmas party. He lives way up north, though, so I wonder if Asians are even on his radar. I included a picture of me in a black skimpy dress I'll more than likely wear for New Year's, which is slightly crass (body/no head shots tend to be, right?) but included some regular pics from when I was in San Francisco a few months ago to balance things out.

Tonight before bed, I'm going to work on my OkC profile.

Newly dumped

I was dumped this afternoon by someone I never dated. Talk about sinking to a new low.

But, I should start at the beginning.

Back in October of last year, I apparently lived under a rock because people around me kept referencing OkCupid and I had no idea what that was. Turns out it's a free online dating site. I had straight friends on there and gay friends on there and not wanting to be left behind, I quickly signed up. Within a month, I had a date lined up with Marlboro Man (so named because he's lighting up a cigarette in his profile pic). I was 35 then, he was 30. I know, WAY too young but I couldn't help myself. I have a soft spot for hot men, and MM was gorgeous: thin and lanky, a bit of a ginger but not in a bad way. He's a part time actor, worked part time as a bartender for a catering service, and had that scruffy, unkempt, hipster look that appeals to younger guys who hates bathing, hates shaving, and refuses to own an iron. I know, I'm embarrassed just recounting the details.

MM was a self-processed word game aficionado. Being a bit of a Scrabble whiz myself, I questioned his skills and he quickly challenged me to a game of Word with Friends. I had no idea what that was and, over drinks at a bar, he downloaded the Scrabble-like app on my phone for me and we began to play. Yes, while seated 2 feet from each other. What can I say, technology breeds strange, pathetic creatures.

Turns out there are tons about the world I didn't know, like how most bartenders are also raging alcoholics. Odd since I have a close college friend who is a bartender and --you guessed it--a raging alcoholic. Apparently, I got the memo but promptly forgot because it was folded it up into a tight little square and hidden away under the wobbly leg of my sidewalk coffee table. Marlboro Man was stellar in bed (when he wasn't talking) but quickly got the old heave ho when he peed on my bathroom floor while completely shit-faced drunk one evening.

So, there are 2 ways to play WWF. You can either find friends through Facebook or Twitter or you can play a "Random Opponent." I didn't know a single soul who likes Scrabble like I (boringly) do, so I always opt for this last option. In Feb, I started playing English Tom, so named because he lives in London, which is approximately 5,000 miles from Seattle. There's a chat feature to the game I hardly ever use aside from the occasional "nice bingo" or, "hey, you just blocked me" because I'm serious about playing and could not care less age, location, or sex, blah blah blah. ET, however, was a bit chatty, so slowly but surely I got to know things about him and he about me, and he and I played pretty much every day.

In June, after much pestering, I agreed to exchange pictures. And I was so glad I did, because good God almighty, he was tall and fit and incredibly hot. OMG.

In late August/early September, he confessed he had a crush. Furthermore, it was a crush he has harbored  for a long time.

2 minutes later in late August/early September, I confessed I had a bit of a crush as well. Ever shallow, mine began the second I saw his picture.

Then, the emails, and the texting, and the 3-hour phone calls took over (along with our very exciting games, of course) and the 8-hour time difference resulted in lots and lots of lost sleep. And we spoke of meeting, a thought that made both of us giddy. Being the over-the-top romantic, I suggested we meet in Prague in early spring. Ever the pragmatist, he suggested flying to Seattle in February. I agreed and we began to make wondrous, exciting, butterfly-in-the-belly plans. How about dancing I said. No, let's just do low-key things like snuggle in front of the fireplace and watch a movie he said. Then, I replied with, ooh, let's climb the REI wall and take a food tour of the Pike Place Market. It all sounds wonderful, he agreed.

Apparently not.

I was dumped this morning because "the situation simply got too big" and "deep down, I'm just a shy guy trying to be something I'm not" i.e., fanciful, adventurous, a risk taker.

For a guy I've never met, it surprisingly hurt a lot and I cried at my desk while we were "talking." Yes, we had this conversation via text, which depressed me even more.